Who Angel Loves
by Drusilla6
Summary: Angel finally confesses his love, after all these years of knowing her he finally says the truth. Confusing a few people in the process...
1. Lies

It had been weeks since Jasmine had been defeated. Cordelia was out of her coma, she remembered everything. Apparently she was partially around for Jasmines take over of her body. Cordelia had been around most of the time, except toward the end of the birth. Jasmine had filled her mind with false hours while she took over Cordy's body and forced Conner to do her bidding.  
  
Conner hadn't been around much since Jasmine was defeated. He mostly kept to his room in the hotel. All he wanted was to belong somewhere and have a family. He somewhat resented his father for taking it away. Angel reflected upon the past few months. When he was young he never would have expected this life. He was used to it now. Angel was no longer the drunken, ladies man wanna be Darla met in an alley all those years ago.  
  
Yet he wasn't a totally different person. He still amused himself. He wanted to be different. For a short time he had been the person he wanted to be. Angel had been with the person he loved. Now that Jasmine was gone he wanted it back. All he had to do was tell Cordelia the truth.  
  
He had to tell Cordelia how he really felt about her. Now that she was really back. No more games between them. He was more adult then that. Angel was in love. He needed to know if the woman he loved still loved him. He looked around his office knowing everything was about to change. Then he stood up and walked out. Through the doors into the main parlor and up the stairs into Cordelia's room.  
  
She was just sitting on her bed writing in her journal. She did that a lot lately. Trying to write down everything she remembered. Mainly about the Cordelia to Jasmine take over. How it happened and how she blocked it out. She still didn't have all the answers. But she would find them. Angel was sure of that, Cordelia was very determined. She almost always got whatever she wanted.  
  
"Cordelia."  
  
She looked up at him in surprise as he walked in and her face lit up. Cordelia was so happy to see him.  
  
"Angel, I didn't even hear you come in." She beamed at him. Immediately she put her pen and diary on the floor. Completely dismissing the important thoughts she had been writing down. To her nothing mattered more then Angel. The writing could be put off until later.  
  
"Well we haven't really had time to talk about. everything. Alone I mean." Angel said standing awkwardly in the door frame.  
  
"I know things have been really weird. Sit down!" She said patting the space next to her.  
  
"Ok." Angel smiled weakly and sat down on the edge of the bed. He said just right of the space she patted. So there was a noticeable space between them but that didn't matter to Cordelia.  
  
"I'm glad you came up here to visit with me. There's too many people here and we never have time for just the two of us anymore." Cordelia said smiling and sliding over to Angel.  
  
"You're glad I came up here?" He asked.  
  
"Of course. We need to talk right. about us?" Cordelia smiled and put a hand on his knee.  
  
"Yes about us. I know before. Jasmine things with us were about to get intense." Angel started but Cordelia broke in.  
  
"I know Angel. Things just got so mixed up, with you and. Conner and then Jasmine. I'm not even sure which was me and which was her."  
  
"I know." Angel said interrupting Cordelia now. "None of that matters."  
  
"I'm so glad you agree." Cordelia smiled.  
  
"I had been lying to myself for a long time. About us. How I felt about you." Angel said slowly, looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact. "There's only one person I really love." He looked up now. "Cordelia. I love--"  
  
Cordelia broke in, "Oh Angel I love you too." She threw her arms around him closing her eyes and kissing him. Putting every fiber of being into that kiss, every ounce of passion she had stored within her. She had wanted this for so long, ever since she first laid eyes on him all those years ago, she had been just 16 but she wanted him. What Cordelia what she got.  
  
She didn't notice his arms pushing against her until suddenly she was kissing air. She blinked in confusion and looked at Angel who was now standing over her.  
  
"I love Buffy. Only Buffy." Angel said.  
  
"What?" Cordelia cried out in confusion. 


	2. Truth

"I'm sorry Cordelia. I didn't mean to do it like that." Angel said truthfully. He was back in the doorway, looming and looking more and more awkward as the seconds passed by them.  
  
"How did you mean to do it?"  
  
"I couldn't keep lying to you and pretending anymore. I was even lying to myself."  
  
"Pretending?" Cordelia questioned. Her face had fallen and she was devastated. She could hardly understand what was happening. None of it made any sense, how could it be true? When they had kissed... she had felt electrified, how could he not feel it?  
  
"Yes. It was just a game. It wasn't real. I know it wasn't right to do it. But I almost believed it too."  
  
"No Angel, you're lying! We're good together. You're just scared, you don't have to be. Nothing bad will happen now, we can be together. There's nothing to worry about. We'll have each other." Cordelia said believing every word she said. She looked up at Angel as she blinked away tears. She was strong she wouldn't cry, not in front of him. She looked into his eyes.  
  
"But who will Buffy have?" Angel asked.  
  
"Someone else, it doesn't matter!" Cordelia insisted.  
  
"I want her with me. I want to be with her, I hate the thought of her with someone else. I don't want to be with anyone else. It's always been her."  
  
"No! How could it all be a lie?" Cordelia said still clinging to the hope that Angel really loved her.  
  
"I needed someone to take my mind off of her. You were there, it was so easy. Not difficult like with Buffy. You wanted me; I wanted someone to distract me. Easy and perfect. But I still thought of her."  
  
"I thought you were coming to tell me you loved me that day." Cordelia said looking at her feet on the ground.  
  
"I was. I'm good at pretending. I thought I loved you. I spent all my time focusing on wanting you. instead of Buffy. I believed I really did. Then you left and. I left on my little sea journey thanks to Conner."  
  
"And what about Conner? Your fights over me?" Cordelia wondered.  
  
"I couldn't let him have you. I had wanted you first. He's my son. He should respect that. When I saw he wanted you I figured you must be something special. Something worth having. I convinced myself even more that I wanted you." Angel said.  
  
"You did want me. I know you did Angel. I can tell when a guy wants me." Cordelia said standing up and slinking over to Angel. "You still do Angel. Let yourself want me."  
  
"No Cordelia." Angel said firmly.  
  
"So what happened!?" Cordelia cried out in frustration as she turned around and looked out her window.  
  
"Angelus. He's still a part of me. I remember what he did and thought. The first thing he wanted to do was go out and hurt Buffy."  
  
"So of course that means you love her." Cordelia said rolling her eyes.  
  
"It does. He knew hurting her would hurt me. He didn't even give you a thought."  
  
"Gee thanks." Cordelia said huskily. It was getting harder and harder for her to keep the tears at bay.  
  
"Sorry." Angel said softly. "He knew that Buffy brought out the humanity in me. Made me feel, made me love. I just want to protect her. She puts herself out in the world, exposes herself. She can be so easily hurt. I want to be there to stop it."  
  
"Then why are you here?" Cordelia asked turning around to face him.  
  
"I didn't want you to hear it from some one else. I wanted to be the one to tell you the truth before I left." Angel said.  
  
"Left?" Cordelia finally let the tears fall freely. "You break my heart and then just go? Where?" Cordelia asked. They stared at each other in silence as Cordelia realized where he would go. "You're going to her?" Angel nodded.  
  
"I'm sorry Cordelia."  
  
"Just go!" She screamed picking up her diary and throwing it at his head. He ducked and just narrowly missed it.  
  
"Cordy..."  
  
"I said go Angel." She said firmly before turning her back to him.  
  
"Good bye." Angel whispered faintly before he left her room. Everyone else was gone for the night or at least a few hours. That's why he had told her now. He couldn't stand saying goodbye to anyone else in person. He left them all notes. A letter to Conner asking Conner to join him in Sunnydale.  
  
Angel left the hotel and then hopped in his car and drove to Sunnydale. All the way over he thought about everything he wanted to say. Really there was only one thing to say. The drive went so quickly. He wasn't prepared when he arrived. It was late and he didn't want to wake anyone up. He climbed up the side of her house as he used to do when they were dating. Angel stood outside her window staring at the closed shades.  
  
Then suddenly the window opened. Buffy was there in front of him. Even with messy sleep hair and a long old t-shirt servicing as a night gown she looked beautiful.  
  
"Yes?" She asked not even looking vaguely surprised that he was there.  
  
"How did you know.?"  
  
"That you were here? I sensed you. it woke me up." Buffy pouted slightly. "Want to come in?" Buffy asked. Angel nodded and she stepped back to make room. Angel climbed in and looked around her room. Though it had been ages since he had last been there it still looked so much the same. Mister Gordo, her stuffed animal pig still sat on her bed. Angel smiled. "Big bad?" Buffy asked.  
  
"What?" Angel asked confused.  
  
"Is that why you're here?" She asked sitting on her bed. "New big bad? Need slayer help?"  
  
"No." Angel leaned against the window, somehow at ease. He was in a comfortable setting.  
  
"So why the late night visit? Hoping to crash a slumber party?" Buffy joked. Angel smiled. "Wow a smile, you changed. Not mister broody anymore."  
  
"I haven't changed as much at you think." Angel said moving over to sit beside Buffy. There hands touched and instinctively their fingers laced together and they were holding hands. Neither one acknowledged it.  
  
"What does that mean?" Buffy asked looking at him.  
  
"It means. I miss us."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened, "Don't say anything you can't take back Angel. I couldn't take it."  
  
"I mean every word I've said tonight and every word I will say. Buffy I miss you every day. Seeing you, smelling you, touching you. I can't live another day without it." Angel's mouth found hers and they were kissing. Then Buffy pulled back and Angel felt empty again.  
  
"What does all this mean?" She asked.  
  
"I love you." Angel said full of confidence. "I'm here to stay. Forever."  
  
"Forever?" Buffy asked almost afraid to believe it.  
  
"Forever." Angel nodded. Buffy's hand found his again and squeezed it lightly. "I just want to know one thing." Angel paused. "You still my girl?"  
  
Buffy's face broke into a huge smile, "Always." She pulled him close and hugged him tight. "Always!" she repeated and kissed him. Angel smiled.  
  
"That's all I needed to hear. I already told everyone in LA if they needed me they could reach me here."  
  
"Mister confidence." Buffy grinned. "So where you gonna stay?" she asked.  
  
Angels face changed from happiness to confusion. "I guess I could stay at my old mansion. Or I could sleep on your couch?" He asked hopefully.  
  
"Better idea, right here with me." Buffy said getting under her covers and holding them up so Angel could get under.  
  
"You sure?" Angel asked.  
  
"Positive. Safe as houses." Buffy smiled and Angel took off his shoes and jacket and climbed in with Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled closer. "Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way." Buffy whispered into the darkness.  
  
"What way?" Angel asked, already knowing the answer. Everything was falling into place.  
  
"Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect." Buffy smiled sleepily as Angel softly kissed the top of her head.  
  
"Sleep, we'll have plenty more nights like this." Angel whispered as Buffy drifted off to sleep. He wrapped his arms tighter around her determined to hold on to her. He closed his eyes and fell asleep holding the only women he ever loved in his arms. 


End file.
